Random Thoughts on the Coming Weeks

Some thoughts as I eat my post workout meal.

Next week, April 1-6 is my last intensity week.  Deload April 7-14.  That brings me to April 15th, which is the last week before finals begin.  Finals begin April 23rd and end May 4th.  My tentative start date in Washington DC is May 14th, or May 21st.  It is up to me.  The firm summer program is 12 weeks either way.  I think I might take the later start date.  This would give me a week to go home, see family, have some balls to the walls lifting sessions, and eat like a fat kid with my friends.

After writing that schedule out, I realize I'm at an impasse.  On the one hand, I've made the best strength gains in years the last 10 weeks... and it isn't even close.  I want to keep it going.  On the other hand, I've lost 20 pounds, and I'm about to start a very intense, stressful time - finals.  I want to keep the weight loss going and do well on finals.  We only get one test, and one grade per semester.  So where will I go from here?

This is what I wrote on January 2nd of this year: 

"Its time to walk the walk.  I don’t want to go to D.C. a "big and strong" person.  I’m already a big strong person.  …  I don’t want to walk around the humid summer streets of D.C. in a suit sweating my ass off.  I’m sure people will understand that even though I’m a disgusting sweaty 250 pounds, its cool because I can almost deadlift 600 pounds. Right.  I have a lot more to me than just being “big” and “strong.”  So I squat a lot.  Whoopdy fucking doo.

My number one concern is losing fat.  Its time to stop talking about it, and just fucking do it.  Who do I want to be?  Do I want my outward appearance to define me?  That is what happens when you are fat.  People see that first. …  For too long I’ve told myself, “if I really try to stick to a diet I’d have no problem leaning down fast.”  Yet I don’t do it.  Its weak and lazy.  Its even more pathetic when you think about what I actually need to lose to look good.  Basically 20-25 pounds…  This shouldn't be hard or complicated.  Stop being a pussy."

I said I needed to lose 20-25 pounds to look good.  I've lost 20.  I look a lot better, but now I realize I don't want to look good, I want to look fucking awesome.  This makes me decision really easy.  Whatever I do the next 4-6 weeks, I will maintain my diet.  After next week, I'm cutting lifting down to 3x a week.  I'll likely cut exercises and sets down as well.  It just doesn't matter.  I'm not going to get weak.  At this point I just want to maintain strength and stay active.  Some of these sessions lately have become way too time consuming and destroy me for the rest of the night.  I can't afford that anymore. Will I really care if my squat goes up 10 pounds in 4 weeks?  Not really.  Will I care if I lose another 5-8 pounds in 4 weeks?  Absolutely.

January 1st: 259

This Morning: 240.6